Emotional Soul Ties

Within the past few years I have heard more and more about the concept of “soul ties.” A soul tie is said to be a spiritual connection or stronghold created between two people after sleeping with each other. After evaluating my life and others, I see how strong these spiritual holds can be. I think many of us can agree that sex is a sacred act. It is easy to understand how spirits can be intertwined during such a thing and why it is supposed to be reserved for marriage. But I believe that there is a stronghold just as powerful as sex. I believe that the only thing as powerful as opening up your body, is opening up your heart. I know it sounds cliché but I’m serious. You have some people who can sleep with numerous people without thinking twice about it. Two weeks later they can forget their name. There is something though about when you open yourself up emotionally, that you find yourself in the most vulnerable and intimate place with someone.


“I believe that the only thing as powerful as opening up your body, is opening up your heart.”


I first heard the concept of an emotional soul tie months ago during an event at my church. While dialoguing, one of the attendees stated that we never talk or think about the emotional soul ties we deal with. She stated we get emotionally attached to people and struggle trying to let go. When she said it something resonated within me. She’s right!!! Sex is not the only way to get a soul tie. Emotions are another portal to connecting souls. I then began thinking about my own love life. I thought about those times when I couldn’t stop thinking about someone. How even after we decided it wouldn’t work, I still found myself with their lingering presence in my psyche. I would think to myself “thank God we didn’t sleep together.” But what I didn’t think about is that I had already made love to the idea of us being together in my mind. I had already opened up my most intimate place which was my heart. Just like sleeping with someone who did not deserve it, opening your heart too soon can yield the same results. The same way it hurts after sleeping with someone who didn’t care is the same way it hurts loving someone who didn’t and doesn’t love you back.


“But what I didn’t think about is that I had already made love to the idea of us being together in my mind.”


Let’s be real, some of us are so ready to be in love that all a person has to do is tell us that we look nice and smell good and we’re already head over heels. Without any effort from the person we are giving it up with our hearts for the chance that it will make them stay. We let people who have no interest in our hearts have full access to how it operates. We let so many people in that we can’t even keep count of how many people we’ve had to “get over.” Some people may say I’m over exaggerating. We all though, have that one person who we’ve never had any sexual relations with, but could never really shake them off. It’s because we let them into a place that leaves their trace on parts of us no eye can see. We have to learn how to let people work to get inside of our hearts. Steve Harvey in his popular book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man proposed the idea of a 90 day rule. This 90 day rule was designed for women to not sleep with a man before 90 days of dating him. A way to make him work for the “cookie” as he called it. Now that’s cute and all but what about the rule for not falling too quick? Let’s be honest, some people may already be talking about they’re in love and want to spend their life with someone in 90 days. After three dates they’re running telling their homeboys and home girls that they have found “the one” and don’t even know their birthday. Meanwhile “the one” isn’t even sure if they want to answer your phone calls this week.


“It’s because we let them into a place that leaves their trace on parts of us no eye can see.”


We have to learn how to guard our hearts. We open ourselves up to people so quickly. When are we going to realize that our hearts our included in the temple that we must protect? We have to cherish our hearts the same way we cherish our bodies. Opening up our hearts time and time again puts us in the position to have these emotional soul ties that make it hard to move on when they are gone. Even the word says above all else guard your hearts. Our hearts hold so many things that we cannot afford to let just anyone inside of it. Would you let just anyone in your home or bank account? No. You know you have valuable things in those places. Our hearts are the same. Don’t give just anybody access to those things. We have to learn to only give entry to the heart to those who care about it and understand the value of the things inside it. What is valuable to some is not valuable to all. You have to be patient for someone who values what you have. Stop falling for every pretty smile and nice body that wants to spend some time with you. Wait for someone who wants to not only help you guard the things inside your heart, but also create things to put in it.

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