The Virtuous Woman…. Do you really want her? Do you really want to be her?


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Some time ago in a conversation with a long time friend, discussed was the idea that it is difficult to stick to Biblical principles of dating and marriage while living in today’s society. Now while I agree with that whole heartedly on most topics of dating and marriage, I did not see this as true when pertaining to our conversation. What my friend was referring to was the idea of two people being able to grind and hustle in a relationship without one of them eventually having to put their passions and ambition to the side to support their significant other. He stated how the Bible references how a woman is to support her husband and that he should be the head of the house. So I explained to him that what he is looking for (a woman with a grind) is not contradictory to the word, but is actually the word itself. I explained to him there is nowhere in the Bible where it says a woman is supposed to lack ambition in order to support her husband. The Bible does give a good example though of how a woman should be, the woman that all men should seek, the Virtuous Woman. The proverbs 31 woman is one men hope to marry and women strive to be… or at least they think they do. It’s interesting to me how so many people can say “I want a virtuous woman,” or “I’m a woman of proverbs 31” without knowing exactly what and who she is.

She works. And the Bible states she does so “willingly.” Many men say they want a virtuous woman yet want her to sit at home while he goes out daily to provide for the family. Well I hate to break it to you sir but….. that is not a virtuous woman. The Bible states that while it is still dark she goes out and provides for her home. She even picks out real estate to help her with business and provide for her family!!! She is far from a woman who expects to be cared for by a man. She still manages to make sure her house is in order. Her ability to grind does not get in the way of her ability to be a wife and a mother, so much so her children call her blessed. Bottom line, her grind is not holding her back from her duties and her duties are not holding her back from her grind.

“…her grind is not holding her back from her duties and her duties are not holding her back from her grind.”

Her husband trusts in her. Even with how busy she is, her husband trusts her to the point that he does not have to step outside of their union. This implies that a virtuous woman knows how to give her husband attention in spite of her grind. She finds time to make him feel needed and wanted enough to the point he completely trusts her. Ladies pay attention though, the word states she will do him NO evil ALL the days of her life. Ladies you have to be willing to do right by him so that he can safely trust his heart to you. Don’t demean, emasculate, put down or hate on your man. Also do not neglect him. If you want to call yourself a virtuous woman you have to be able to balance between working hard and tending to your husband’s needs. Yes that means stop using the excuse you are “too tired.” (Yes I said it) Not only does he need you physically, but he needs you mentally and emotionally. Show him you support him and that you are not in any way trying to take away from his role as the head of your house. Show him you appreciate all he does and make him feel needed. Men that means you also have to be willing to support her in her endeavors. Trust that when she leaves early and comes home late, it’s for the benefit of your family. Know that nothing she ever does is simply for selfish gain. If she is going to be tending to you after a long day of work, the least you can do is completely and utterly trust, support and love her.

“…stop using the excuse you are “too tired.”

She gives back. The virtuous woman is far from selfish. She does not grind hard just to be able to keep it to herself and her family. She gives back to those she feels is less fortunate. She uses what she has to be a blessing to someone else. Men, do not make your wife feel bad when she wants to donate clothes every few months or when she wants to write a nice check to a charity a few times a year. That is what the virtuous woman does. She may want to go to the soup kitchen every week. Let her go. It is in her nature to be giving and caring. So ladies if you are calling yourself a virtuous woman, you must be willing to think about someone other than yourself. You have to genuinely want to give to those around you. Not just for the sake of doing so, but because your heart desires it.

She’s no fool. She is wise. I didn’t say she was smart and educated with three degrees. I said she is wise. There is a difference. Wisdom is having a particular insight and view of the world and everything around you. Wisdom knows when to apply the knowledge that you hold. A virtuous woman also knows to speak with a kind tongue. She understands the power of it therefore she chooses her words wisely. She uses her words to uplift others instead of tearing them down.

She is praised. The people in her life are aware of how precious she is and they appreciate her. They know that she works hard not just for herself, but for the sake of her family. So gentlemen, if you want a virtuous woman, you have to be willing to give her the praise she deserves. Tell her how much you appreciate her; tell her how much you love having her in your life. This woman is a rare find. Her value is more than rubies. Her description begins with “Who can find a virtuous woman?” That alone should tell you that they are not easy to come by. Therefore you should go out your way to show her how much you care because she deserves that and more. Plus a woman who feels appreciated is more inclined to continue doing things for which she will be appreciated. Ladies, if you want to be praised like the virtuous women, you have to do some praise worthy things. The virtuous woman works for every bit of praise she receives. She deserves every ounce of it because she has shown herself to be worthy. All I’m trying to say is that you have to do something to get something.

“…if you want to be praised like the virtuous women, you have to do some praise worthy things.”

Let’s be clear, this does not cover all of what and who a virtuous woman is. That would take a deeper analysis (one I would love to read if anyone is interested in doing so by the way). This does though show that being or being with a virtuous woman is not an easy task. It requires a lot to embody this woman and it takes even more to cherish and keep her. Although the idea of her sounds great, think long and hard before making your request known unto God. Ask yourself “Am I ready for a virtuous woman?” or “Do I have what it takes to be a virtuous woman?” Every man will not get one and every woman will not be one, but that is what makes and keeps her so special.

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