Women have always gotten a bad rep for making men jump through hoops to gain their love. I can’t tell you the countless amount of drawings, pictures, movies and everything else depicting this exact concept. What has recently dawned on me though, is that women are not alone in this game of guarding hearts. We have focused so much on women that we have forgotten who the number one guards are. Men. Men are some of the most guarded creatures you could ever meet. A friend of mine did a devotional once on guarding our hearts. For some reason in that moment it hit me just how well men were at this, and were getting away with doing so.
Women have been adorned to be “emotional” which is a term I absolutely loathe. A positive that comes out of this insult is that some women have the ability to handle their emotions. All their lives women learn to stay in tune with them. This has helped some women to handle heartbreak better. It has helped them to get through emotionally difficult situations. Some men though don’t handle getting their hearts broken very well. They can be hurt by one person and every person after that has to deal with the residue and consequences of the reckless behavior of this one person. This is because some men do not like experiencing the emotions that being hurt creates. Since they have been sheltered from their own emotions all their lives, they don’t know how to respond in said situations. Thus, they go out of their way to make sure they do not have to experience that feeling again. And so it begins, the building of a wall that no one can tear down. Guarding themselves so they can stay in control.
Sometimes I sit and wonder if men were taught to be in touch with their emotions, would they be less inclined to close off their hearts to the idea of loving again? Now I’m not saying women don’t try to swear off love as well, but I am saying some men tend to have an emotional disconnect that keeps them from dealing with the situation at hand. They find themselves building the highest and most complex security system to their heart. They hide behind their fortress of hurt, praying the castle is never threatened. Then it happens. The moment he never thought would come. Someone comes in his life he really likes. He finds himself torn between whether he should allow her to enter into his throne or should he continue to keep her on the outside of the gates. What’s funny is that this behavior is a lot of why women act the way they do. A good woman meets a guarded man only to be put through maximum security clearance and then denied access after she has proven herself to be trustworthy. So she then acts out of frustration and gets labeled “emotional” for simply feeling what she should. I must go on record and say this is not everyone’s life and this is not an article to bash men and their feelings. I understand we are all individuals with our own stories. I’m just simply pointing out a trend I have seen over the years and thought I would shed some light on it.
“They hide behind their fortress of hurt, praying the castle is never threatened.”
I truly believe that if society stopped placing the burden of emotional emptiness on men they would actually be in a stronger place emotionally. I know this seems bias coming from a female therapist, but I stand by the strength of being in tune and standing in an unwanted emotion. Plus I strongly believe men are not as cold hearted as society paints them out to be. Think about it, who is going to guard an icebox? You only guard something that you know is valuable to the person who obtains it. No one gains anything from a cold heart. Someone can gain a lot though from a person who loves hard and unconditionally. See deep down I believe men love harder than women. I believe society has brainwashed us into thinking that women are the only ones capable of loving passionately. Think back to the beginning of time when man was first connected to a woman. Notice Adam was the only one who got excited. He was the only one who expressed his love. Now we know Eve could talk because she had no problem opening her mouth to tell Adam to eat the fruit (thanks a lot by the way Eve). Yet Adam was the one who had no hesitation to express the joy of his new found bride. My point is, men love hard and has always done so. It is in their nature. They find joy when a good woman is by their side. That is probably why they hurt the way they do when heart break strikes. That is probably why they guard their hearts like a maximum federal security prison.
“You only guard something that you know is valuable to the person who obtains it.”
My hope is that one day men will be able to express their true selves without society, especially women, telling them how weak they are for it. A woman cannot expect for a man to give access to his heart if she sees him as society does. A man is looking for a woman who can accept the parts of him that society will never see because it doesn’t understand. Men want to know that if they grant a woman permission into the vault she will be able to handle everything that lies within. Unfortunately because some women have become tainted by the lens of society, they judge a man as society does. This in turn gives the man justification in his guardedness, and sometimes adds another wall for the next person to push through.
“Unfortunately because some women have become tainted by the lens of society, they judge a man as society does.”
I know that a simple blog post is not going to change the minds of society. If it were that simple there would be a lot less chaos going on in the world. I do though hope that this paints men in a different light. I need people to understand that men have feelings. Some are just afraid to express them and aren’t sure how to handle them when they feel them. I do want to urge my Kings to remember that every King needs a Queen. In order for them to successfully reign together he must trust her. Is it a risk, yes. But do not deny a true Queen access because you are afraid. If she has proven herself trusting, then let her in. Queens, please do not judge a King by what the common folk have made him out to be. His kingdom will never be able to paint an accurate picture of him because a true King does not show his inner self to just anyone. Only his most noble of men will have inside information on him. Yet they still will not know him like you could if you would simply show him that you accept what lies in the darkest corridors of his castle. In the end, Kings and Queens accomplish more when they work together. So Kings let down the guards and let the Queens replace them.