Lemonade: What no one else is seeing…

 

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Courtesy of Photopin

So I couldn’t miss the opportunity to talk about the buzz of the latest Beyonce’ masterpiece, Lemonade. I won’t go into how I feel about the music and short film because that is not what this blog is for. I want to talk about the message that most people will not get from what she has released. I’ll be completely honest, about 20 minutes into the video I began to worry. I thought to myself, “Oh Lord it’s about to be a lot of breaking up tonight.” I thought “well this just set men back another 20 years.” Even though I wanted to stop watching I continued, and I am so glad I did. See there is an underlying message that is in Lemonade that most people have not and will not get. If you blink honestly you will miss it.

After all of the screw you, I’m the baddest chick, all the crazy psycho talk that most women (including myself) have uttered before, Beyonce’ does something. She stays. She forgives and she stays. She didn’t put a lot into it but there is a moment when she stops lying to herself and she realizes that as much as she wants to walk away she can’t and she won’t. When I look at all the comments written under the video I see thousands of women talking about how stupid Jay-Z is and how they understand her pain and f$#& dude. No one though commented that after all is said and done, Beyonce’ didn’t leave. Now I don’t know what’s to come of their relationship but from what I saw in that video, Beyonce’ is staying. The very album that is about the tumultuous relationship was streamed on her husband’s music streaming source. Again, no one is seeing this. Some are arguing that everything is for show and that Beyonce’ and Jay are doing fine. From the emotion sang behind some of those lyrics, they were all too real. Again, people missed the fact that she stayed. No one realized that she made the conscious effort to make it work in spite of.

After everything was said and done my biggest concern was, will people get it? Will people get that she decided to forgive him and stay. Or will people just hop on the men haters club, making it that much harder for the men who do right by the women who enter into their lives. Will people get that sometimes you have to forgive things you may not want to in order to keep your marriage? For Beyonce’ it was infidelity but for others it may be gambling, mismanagement of money, neglect, lack of support or whatever may be destroying a marriage. Or will people only see Bey with her middle fingers to the sky saying she’s doing her?

I’m not going to lie it hurt me to see and hear those lyrics because I have been there. I know the hurt of infidelity but I hope to never feel it in my marriage. It is a pain that hurts the soul. I appreciate Beyonce’s transparency in letting the world into that hurt and pain. My only wish is that she would have shed more light on the healing process after the forgiveness. See many of us can talk about how it hurt us to find out the one we loved stepped out on us but no one talks about what happens once you decide to stay. See the fact of the matter is, some people stay. And quite frankly, not all of them are stupid for doing so. Are their times when people should leave, yes. Unfortunately if it is not a matter of abuse it is hard to state when those times are. I remember when a friend of mine was talking to me about some issues in her relationship. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and asked me “am I stupid?” Now had she caught me some years before I would have told her yes without an ounce of hesitation. At that time though I knew that I couldn’t answer that because I myself did not know what being stupid meant.

Take Beyonce’ and Jay-Z. Just last week people were still plastering #relationshipgoals under their pics. This week I’m sure Jay is going to get a lot of hate mail and comments about how stupid he is. Next week once they slay on a red carpet together they will go back to looking like the couple everybody thinks they want to be. Look at Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade. They are everyone’s #relationshipgoals now, but wasn’t no one saying that when we found out he cheated and got a chick pregnant. But as soon as he dropped on one knee and they had the wedding of the century, the masses were back on their side. See the truth of the matter is society will flow with the wind so you can’t go by what they say to do. You have to trust what God and your heart is telling you to do. We look for others to tell us if we are being stupid or not but quite frankly no one can tell you that but you. Once we learn to look at our lives through the perspective that only we live with our actions, we’ll stop seeking the validation of others.

Another thing I wonder is if this would have gotten the same praise if it were a man to have gone through this with his wife. What if Jay dropped this visual album talking about the multiple times Bey didn’t come home and when she did he could smell another man’s cologne on her body. Most of you all will say that is unlikely to happen. I hate to break it to you, it’s not. See what we don’t like to talk about is all the men who sit at home waiting for their wives to come home drunk, smelling like the next man. See not too many men will come out and share that story because society will blame him. “You must not have treated her right” or “you know you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.” Meanwhile women have been turning hoes into husbands for years but when he cheats women get the support of the nation. Support from the same people who were crying telling her congratulations when he proposed. We don’t talk though about all the men who get cheated on constantly and stay for the sake of their marriage. Have we made staying for the sake of the relationship into a double standard?

I also couldn’t help but notice how the comments under the Lemondae video put everything on Jay. Now hear me clearly, I DO NOT condone cheating on any level. I believe it shows a lack of communication, respect and self-control. What I want to know though is why Jay has to take all the blame. When Tyler Perry’s Temptation came out it sparked the much needed debate about how neglect and complacency in a marriage can lead to infidelity. Women across the land talked about how if he would have just paid his wife a little more attention she wouldn’t have cheated. How she gave him all the signs that she wasn’t happy. Does the same not apply with men? I may get hate mail for this but I have to speak on it. Jay-Z is married to a woman who has a fanbase that can rival some of the greatest to ever do it. She is the most famous person on this earth. They call her King Bey. I don’t know Jay-z’s mental state but I could only imagine how difficult it may be sometimes to be the sidekick to one of the most powerful women in the world. See when he cheats he probably cheats with women who make him feel important because he feels second rate to his wife. I’m not saying it is right, but I’m just trying to give you all the psychology behind it. See when I hear Beyonce’s lyrics, she speaks a lot about how she tries to spice it up in the bedroom and how sexy she is but she mentions nothing about how she reminds him on a daily basis that despite what her fans say he is her king. See good looks and bomb sex will indeed keep a man’s interest. It has to be balanced though with showing you support and need him. Constantly reminding him how important he is to you. Again, I do not know the ins and outs of Jay-Z and Beyonce’s marriage but I’m just using this glimpse into it as a catalyst to speak on broader issues.

My hope is that these two will be able to work through whatever is plaguing them in their marriage. An even bigger hope though is that we do not take their situation and try to make it our own. Just because someone stayed doesn’t mean you have to. Just because someone left, doesn’t mean you have to. We have to learn how to simply appreciate when people are being transparent and not look to it as a blueprint. We also have to learn to look at the bigger picture of the transparency. Don’t get caught up and make decisions based off the chapters and pages that you miss the entire message of the book. If you get the message, don’t misconstrue it to be a step by step guide for you. We all have our own stories and only we can decide and have to deal with the endings we write for ourselves. So be sure to write an ending that you can live with, but most importantly tells the story you want to convey.

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18 thoughts on “Lemonade: What no one else is seeing…

  1. jasiramonique says:

    I wrote more of an analytical peice that delves in the lessons that can be learned from the visual album ‘Lemonade’ http://bit.ly/BeyonceServesLemonade please read it & leave a comment below it to let me know your thoughts. It’s a quick read.

    However, to address your point, you are absolutely correct. She did stay. It wasn’t lost. ‘Sandcastles’ and the visuals behind it are all about her staying. That’s why when you open my blog you will see Jay-Z laying at her feet. The symbolism in that imagery after all the man bashing and ranting and raving is amazing. Love is complicated and we as humans are complex. Vulnerability of a man like him is NEVER shown in videos and what she did in that quick moment was unbelievable… Big PIMPIN himself is laying at the feet of his wife and looking as vulnerable as a child. He’s never speaking a word or given any power shots until you see him playing with their daughter. It is soooo much to be said about all of this. But yes you are on the money sis. There are so many people who might miss the power of motif of ‘lemonade’… you really do make lemonade out of lemons and that’s what you see of their relationship from it’s inception to exchanging vows and to where it is now. Thanks for writing and sharing your thoughts.

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  2. definitelylorna says:

    I haven’t watched the vid yet but i’ve heard lots about it. I think it is wise for Beyonce to stay. Too many broken marriages in celebville. I’m sure too many broken children walking around in celebville too.
    There are things no amount of money can fix. Divorce always affects the children worse than the parents. I feel part of the reason Beyonce chose to forgive and stay is for the sake of their daughter. She’s from a broken home herself so she definitely knows how much affected the kids get.
    It’s high time people got that marriage is for a lifetime. And yeah, there could be all those problems in a marriage some of which you have mentioned but once you decide to choose this man or woman as your wife or husband, it’s for keeps.
    So for the haters out there, you don’t know for sure why Jay z cheated. Doesn’t mean it’s right for anyone to cheat in a relationship but these two should probably work it out and stick to this beautiful union.

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  3. Sine says:

    Dear writer, although I would like to give you credit for some content on your article, I’m not very impressed by the level of depth you got into this subject. Your blog is just a comment on commenters of the video and your blog claims that you notice people’s level of understanding. I disagree and I claim that you’re wrong it is very easy to notice that she stayed she still called him a king after he cheated on her; one of her subtitle was forgiveness. Remember, just because people didn’t talk about it on 3 or 4 lines of words on the comment section of a little video, it doesn’t mean they didn’t notice it. As a writer you should go a little below the surface. Not every viewer is a writer but writers are mostly expected to be good viewers that see the surface and way below that to the bottom of the message that’s being delivered.
    That being said, some of your point of view on the video was still interesting perspective but I wanted an experts opinion on the video such as why she chose the title “lemonade”, why she chose all the subtitle and what it all meant. Why she chose it to be an hour long. I appreciate the fact that you touched up on what it means for their future of their relationship. I still encourage you to keep up your writings however.

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    • Tish says:

      I appreciate your opinion. In the initial paragraph I stated that I was not going to break down the music or the video itself. I believe the video is an hour long because it is an album. Most albums run about that length. Many writers have already said that Lemonade comes from the phrase “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Unfortunately I’m not an expert of any sort outside of my field. I could have gone more in depth and I will remember that on my next post. As far as this being simply “a comment to commenters” see it as you must. I simply spoke on the comments i saw to back up what I already felt. Again I spelled this out in the first paragraph. But I appreciate your thoughts. I’m new to writing and this was my first post on something in pop culture. I knew I wasn’t doing something right though if all my feedback was positive. So thank you for letting me know I’m well on my way:)

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  4. Ashinle 'Misty' Celestine says:

    VERY WELL WRITTEN. I AGREE WITH MAJORITY THAT WAS WRITTEN. I WOULD LIKE TO COMMENT ON ONE THING IF I MAY. YOU MENTIONED SHE SPENT ALOT OF TIME EXPLAINING HER HURT,THAN WHAT HAPPENS AFTER YOU HURT &WHEN YOU STAY. WELL, HONESTLY… THERE ISN’T MUCH MORE TO SAY BUT TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME TO REBUILD. YOU’LL HAVE YOUR GOOD DAYS, YOU’LL HAVE YOUR BAD DAYS. ALSO, IT DOES DEPENDS ON THE NATURE OF THE PERSON &WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES TOOK PLACE. I SAY SHE DIDNT EXPLAIN MORE OF WHAT GOES ON AFTER THE PAIN &HURT BECAUSE SHE’S STILL LIVING IT. STILL TRYING TO REGROUP THE AFTERMATH. &WHEN EVERYTHING IS CLEAR TO HER, THEN THAT’S WHEN SHE CAN ELABORATE MORE ON “WHEN YOU DECIDE TO STAY &FIX YOUR MARRIAGE” #MYOPINION

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  5. Jess says:

    I still hate the fact that a celebrity of her calaber, is encouraging women to stay with a cheating man. There are types that cheat because they need attention. Their mindset will never change with that, they will never get enough attention. The other type is a man who knows his priorities. Marriage and family. Bey choose the wrong man. We all knew that from the begining. Now shes just stuck because of the child. Respect to that fact alone.

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