Many of us have read it in numerous blogs, books, have seen it in YouTube videos, ect, that we have to deal with ourselves emotionally before we can appreciate a relationship. It seems cliché but to be honest you have to commit first to yourself before you can commit to anyone else. Truly handling your emotional past is a commitment in itself. You have to fully commit to the process in order to fully get the most out of it. You can’t half step with emotional healing. But if you can learn to commit to being better, you can be better equipped to commit to someone else.

The thing with emotional baggage is it can get in the way of enjoying a great relationship. Think of actual luggage. Think about if you had to carry it around with you everywhere you went. To the gym, movies, church, dates, ect. It would get hard to enjoy all of those things knowing that you have all this luggage you are carrying around with you. It is the same way in a relationship. It is hard to enjoy the relationship when you or the person you are with has all this stuff they carry with them all the time.  Now the luggage is inevitable but if you knew you had to take something with you everywhere, wouldn’t you like it to be light as possible? We have full control of how heavy and how much baggage we carry with us. We all carry something. This is natural as we all have been through things in our lives that have left some remnants to carry along with us. The key though is to at some point open up the luggage and deal with the stuff in it.

So many of us have been destroying relationships before they even start because we have let our baggage get in the way. Maybe you never got over that ex that hurt you, or that parent that abandoned you. Maybe your self-esteem never recovered from years of bullying or you still fear marriage because of what your parents went through. Whatever your baggage may be, it doesn’t have to dictate the rest of your life. Too many of have instead gained the strength to keep carrying the baggage instead of getting up the strength to clear it out. Stop letting your emotional baggage keep you in bondage and keep you from experiencing the true joy your relationships.

I really want to take some time to talk to my kings. I know society has taught you to bottle up your emotions. I know society has taught you that you are less of a man if you talk about your feelings. Let me reassure you that is a good way to carry emotional baggage with you for the rest of your life. Do not let society keep you enslaved to your own feelings. It takes true strength to deal with yourself emotionally for the sake of yourself and your relationship. Society has taught you that the only way to prepare for a woman is financially. Making sure you can provide for your family. This is true but what good is it to provide financially if you are tearing them down emotionally because you haven’t dealt with your own issues. I can’t stress enough how important it is for you all to deal with those things. It is difficult for a king to reign at his best when he is not emotionally stable.

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Queens, I have to come your way as well. Please do not keep holding on to things. See as women we tend to have an emotional attachment to our baggage. We sometimes hold on to things because we like to start affairs with the hurt from the past. We let our relationships suffer because we are still in love with the pain from years ago. With us being more in tune with our emotions it gives us the advantage of being more comfortable in vulnerability which is needed in emotional healing. The down side to this is we let our emotions hinder the exact healing we are trying to seek. Ladies we have to truly let go if we are going to be able to fully enjoy what we have or what’s to come.

I have to be honest, it can be a painful yet liberating process. Unpacking your emotional baggage can be one of the hardest things to do. Having to face some of the most hurtful parts of you is no easy matter. It can be quite painful depending on the baggage you carry. This process, as painful as it can be, is also a freeing process. There is such a sense of freedom and clarity that comes when dealing with handling your baggage. You start to see things in a whole new light. You begin to experience things in a new way. You start to gain a sense of peace that you never knew existed or forgot about because you’ve been carrying your baggage for so long. Do not fear this process. It is just like working out after a long time. You may be sore at first and your body will ache initially, but eventually you become stronger and become able to push yourself further. The reward though is that you feel and look better than before.

Another thing to note is that some baggage you won’t realize you have until you’re in a relationship. So many times we are told to make sure you get yourself all the way together before entering into a relationship. I used to agree with this whole heartedly until I grew up and realized that’s easier said than done. Sometimes it takes a relationship to even see some of the baggage you have. There is something about connecting to another person that can unearth some of your inner baggage that you either didn’t know existed or forgot you buried. All it takes is a small trigger and next thing you know, bam, you’re facing something you didn’t know was an issue. Unfortunately most of us will find some residual baggage once in a relationship and that is ok. As long as you face it and deal with it, it won’t control you.

We have to stop being afraid of dealing with things we have been carrying for so long. It is time to put down our baggage and start taking things out of it bit by bit. We have to stop ruining the lives of those we connect to because we would rather carry around our baggage than address it. When you refuse to deal with baggage you deny yourself the right to have peace. You deny yourself the right to have control. You can choose to keep adding to your baggage but eventually it will become too much to carry. Trust, there is nothing worse than being forced to face your baggage because you can’t handle carrying it anymore. So while you’re still strong enough to carry it, take a look inside, and start to finally unpack the things you don’t need anymore. The peace you will receive from dealing with it will far exceed the pain you may feel addressing it. The choice and power is yours…..