Why I’m Glad Tammy Stayed……

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Courtesy of VH1.com

So the other day during one of my unproductive moments with Facebook, I came across a post from Love & Hip Hop Atlanta star Tammy Rivera. The caption under her post stated that she was not leaving her husband because she respected her vows. (paraphrasing) Now I was well aware of the split between her and her husband, rapper Waka Flocka, a few months ago. So when I saw the post I was happy to see that they were able to work out their differences for the sake of their marriage. Things began to get real interesting though when I decided to look through the comments. (Side note, the comments section is where the real entertainment is on Facebook) None the less I proceeded with my investigation of what others had to say about this couple staying together. Of course not to my surprise people, particularly women, were dragging this woman for her decision to stay with her husband. I saw comments on how stupid she was and that they wouldn’t put up with it. So after a day of being frustrated on the views of some, I decided to have a mini Facebook rant on the topic. In it I talked about my disdain for when people judge other people for staying in a marriage. So after thinking about what I would write on, I decided to discuss why a marriage is something worth fighting for.

Let me just start off by saying this, most of y’all have dealt with a lot more from people who had no intentions of marrying you so I’m not really sure what the big deal is. I’m not judging I’m just simply saying I don’t understand how people who have let person after person give them lie after lie without ever having to explain themselves, can come for a married woman who decided to keep her covenant. I’m just happy to see celebrities fighting for their marriages. Y’all have seen enough people in the public eye treat marriage like it’s nothing. Y’all see divorce after divorce and that has become the norm for y’all. I’m happy to finally see people willing to work through their stuff to show what marriage really is about.

So one of the comments that many people were making under this post that I found to be hilarious was that Waka didn’t respect his vows so why should she or “you care about your vows but he doesn’t.” I’ll just put it like this, he obviously respected them enough to come back and fight for his wife. Yeah maybe in the moments of his infidelity he was willing to throw his vows to the side. But the minute he decided that he wanted to fight for his marriage was the minute he remembered his vows and respected them. See we think that infidelity is the only way to not respect a marriage. That’s the main one that we always focus on. But there are more vows then simply being faithful. We say “for richer or for poorer” but finances is the number one reason for divorce. We say “through sickness and in health” but what happens when they get cancer? What happens when they get in a car accident and a leg is amputated? We think being faithful to someone is the only way to honor your vows. You may not be cheating on your spouse but you can’t remember the last time you told them that you appreciated them for the things they do for you. You’re supposed to cherish them though, right? It’s so easy to point the finger at other people and tell them what they should or should not do or should or should not put up with in their marriage. We cannot tell her he does not respect their vows. Yes he had a moment, or a few from what it sounds like, in which it seems like he forgot he had taken vows. But the minute that man thought he was about to lose his wife and decided to fight for her, was the moment he reconnected to the vows that he made to her. I just want to know if the tables were turned and Tammy was the one cheating would y’all have something to say? That’s another post for another day.

Now if you’re going to talk about Tammy, talk about her decision to marry Waka. I’m pretty sure the behavior he showed that led to their short split, is behavior he was displaying before they even got married. So if anything we should be frustrated with Tammy for deciding to enter into a covenant with a man who has shown that he may potentially break his vows from time to time. But let me make this clear, now that she is in this covenant with this man, she has every right to stay with him. You don’t just break up marriages like you break up relationships. This is the problem I stated in a previous blog post that the way we treat our relationships is starting to bleed over in how we treat our marriages. Because we enter into relationships with no motivation to move forward or stay together, we break up over and over again, knowing it is an option. So when we finally get married we still think that breaking up is an option. Maybe if we started to get into relationships with people that we feel breaking up is a last resort, we would finally have the same reverence for our marriages. I will say this, if a person is showing you the things that may potentially harm your marriage before you marry them, you need to take it into consideration. The truth is you do have the right to break up with someone that you’re simply just dating if you don’t think it will lead to a heathy marriage. But there is no just breaking up for a marriage. So if you see in your dating relationship things that will cause your marriage to crumble, you need to consider whether that is someone you want to enter into a covenant with. This is why I stress the process of dating and how you choose the person you want to marry.

Marriage is so much deeper than just a relationship that can be easily broken off. A marriage is an entity that was created by the almighty Creator Himself. It is a spiritual connection. It is a Divine interlocking. Regardless of what your theological beliefs may be, spirituality is the root of a marriage. So if you enter into a holy covenant with God to say that you will remain with this person until you leave this earth, you don’t get to just walk away from that. Again, this is why you have to be careful who you marry. You need to know that you’re marrying somebody you’re going to want to fight for, for the rest of your days on this earth. This is why we need to stop worrying about how beautiful we can look on our wedding day or how fly your groomsmen will look in their tuxes. Stop worrying about having the most lit wedding of the season and start worrying about is this someone who I’m going to want to fight to be with for the rest of my life. Because regardless whether it is infidelity, financial struggles, a bad attitude, not so good sex or bad cooking, you have to fight to stay in your marriage because none of those reasons are something to walk away from somebody for.

The other mistake I will say Tammy made was airing their business for the world to see. This is why people have so much to say. Some of the most successful, long lasting marriages have had a lot happen in them. Some things we might even say we would not have dealt with. Yet we look up to these people and their marriages. Why? Because we don’t know what all went and is still going on in their marriage. Just know that some of your favorite couples that are still standing, went through some not so great times to get to where they are now. The difference is we just don’t know what it is.

I don’t know what’s going to happen between Tammy and Waka. I just pray that they can stay married because I truly believe in the sanctity of marriage and not divorcing for the sake of feelings. Regardless of what happens, I support their decision to stay together now. I may not have agreed with Tammy marrying him initially but I can back her up in deciding to keep her marriage going. Even though I don’t respect the poor decisions Waka has made in his marriage, I can respect the fact that he respected his vows enough to try to get his act together to try to keep his marriage intact. What I need is for everybody to get the wakeup call of what marriage really is. This isn’t your typical relationship. We have to stop making marriage into this thing you can enter in and out of without any reverence at all. Just know you need to be very careful about who you decide to enter into this covenant with. Pay attention to everything and ignore nothing when it comes to your relationships. Those same things that you see in your dating relationships will surely manifest themselves in your marriage. Things don’t just change because people say “I do.” Nothing changes about them just because they married you. So you need to take everything into consideration and be honest with yourself about what you want to deal with for the rest of your life, because that’s what marriage is. It is a lifetime commitment not a trial run. And if you’re not ready for that then you need not apply. If you’re not ready though you need not speak on the people who are. I just pray that we can all get into healthy marriages with people that we truly know we will be willing to fight for every day until we leave this earth. To Tammy and Waka, I wish you all the best and I pray that you can fight through it all till death do you part.

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