The Showerless…



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One morning I arose to a text message from my line sister who is getting married in a few months. She was preparing for her bridal shower that was coming up that weekend. In her text she was letting me know that she was struggling to mentally adjust to what was happening. She stated she wasn’t used to getting all of this love and attention. She then said something that was even more profound. She posed the question, “why does one have to be getting married or having a baby in order to be showered with love?” That question is one I never asked directly but have always pondered upon. Why is it that society puts a special emphasis on praising relationships but no other accomplishments?

I have been perturbed by this for a while. I have watched time after time, people get all the love in the world when they get in relationships but barely any support in their other endeavors. I have an acquaintance who has worked hard on many things but sometimes struggles to get the support deserved. But as soon as a picture of them and their significant other gets posted, people who don’t support anything else comes out full force. I see pictures of couples get over 600 likes but “I got the job” posts get 100. Now I’m not saying the goal is to get likes on the book, but I am saying this has a psychological effect that many people don’t realize. I think this type of attention towards people who are in relationships makes the ones who aren’t, feel like what they are doing is less important. Just as my sis stated, why don’t we shower people with love just because? There are so many people who have never been showered before because they haven’t found that love yet. In my opinion this is why people start to become so desperate to be in love and will put up with unnecessary things to get it. Who doesn’t want to be showered with love? I just wonder how things would be if showers were not just for getting married and having babies. What if they were for business openings or purchasing a home? Yes, these things have fun parties to celebrate them, but they aren’t a shower of love to wish these people well on their endeavors. This way everyone can be showered with love because last I checked, women only get showers. Yes, men are starting to be more included in the baby shower process but it’s not their shower. Then when a man gets married, instead of getting a shower he gets put in tempting situations to remind him he’ll never be single again. Yeah that’s showering someone with love. *inserts sarcasm*

There is another person though I feel is even more left out. That’s the person who doesn’t have anything in particular going on in their life. Life isn’t bad for them, but there just isn’t anything out of the ordinary happening. Things may be good at work or with their business. They may be done with school fully. Yet society doesn’t seem to celebrate them. Why not? Is not living a peaceful life pursuing your dreams not worth showing love to? Just wait until this person gets a significant other. They’re going to be someone people care about simply because it’s something society cares about. This person though could use love and showering too just to keep them at a peaceful place.

Don’t get me started on the person who may not have anything figured out. They may still be trying to figure what business they want to start while working at a job they can’t stand all while struggling in school. See I’ve been this person and it is not fun. You feel neglected by society. You’re trying to get your life right but no one cares because you aren’t in a relationship. First thing people ask when they see you is “are you dating anyone yet.” Not “how is school or how is life treating you?” So with all the 101 other things you need to figure out in your life, you find yourself being pressed about how to become a part of this elite group of people in relationships. You reason to yourself that a relationship would make you feel better about all the other things you have going on in your life. But in all actuality, it only reminds you that you have 101 other things taking your attention that you would need to give in order to have a healthy relationship. I would say this is the person who needs showering the most. They need encouragement and reassurance because they already feel bad because they are trying to get the basic things in life together. They don’t need to be reminded that on top of all of that they’re single too.

See we are breeding a culture of people who are willing to get in a relationship by any means necessary. They are putting love at the top of their list of priorities because they want to be showered with love like everybody else. Now making love a priority is fine if your life is at a healthy place with everything else you have going on. But if you’re at a place where you’re still trying to figure things out, you might want to reconsider your quest for love. You have more important things you need to be worried about. You don’t want any relationship; you want a healthy one. Healthy relationships are taking a backseat though to these illusions that people are presenting on social media. Who wants a healthy relationship when I can have one that’s plastered all over the gram and gets me 300 likes. I’m not saying a relationship all over social media means it is unhealthy, but few of them are. It is rare that a couple in a healthy relationship puts everything out there for people to see. Especially in the dating relationship. Most couples wait until engagement and marriage so that they can protect their relationship from the abyss that is social media. Again though, when you want to be showered with love you put yourself out there to receive it.

Then you have those who are rushing relationships so they can get the ultimate shower of love. They want to hit that 1000 club on Facebook. I know it sounds ridiculous but you will be surprised with the subconscious thoughts of people today. Social media has messed some of us up. But nonetheless, we are rushing things because we want the attention it brings us. We do the same with children. We will rush having children because we love all the attention it brings. What people don’t think about is how there isn’t a shower for when y’all are going through it or when y’all break up or when you need a sitter and can’t find one. Unfortunately, you let the quest for love and attention push you into something that may eventually leave you right back in the reject shower less singles group of society.

I want to make myself clear, I’m not saying we should stop showing love to those who are in relationships, entering into marriage or having children. These are all beautiful things that deserve love and praise. What I am saying is that we should show love for all the other wonderful things that go on in our lives. We should shower people with love just because it may be the only thing that gets them through. No one should ever feel weird having a bridal shower or bachelor party because no one has ever shown them that much love and support before. Especially if they have done other things that were praise worthy. Let’s stop conditioning people to think love and children is the only way to get attention from others. So let’s all find someone today and shower them with love just because:)


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