Courtesy of newspringnetwork.com

#relationshipgoals It’s the hashtag I see at least a few times a day. Every time I turn around I see a picture on social media ending its caption with this hashtag. Usually I try not to be negative but this is one of those things I genuinely dislike. Let me explain myself because I don’t want to come off like I’m being bitter. Recently there was another hashtag that broke the internet which was #foreverduncan. Social media was buzzing heavy when the video of the beautiful couple surfaced. For those of you unaware, a gentleman decided he would record the day he decided to propose AND marry his then girlfriend. Everyone was talking about how a real man knows what he wants and makes it known. There were tons of videos that adorned #foreverduncan #relationshipgoals. This was all short lived when all of a few days later the back story to the Duncan union came forth. The same people who were saying #relationhshipgoals then started saying they would not have waited that long for someone to propose to them. This story is exactly why I can’t stand this hashtag. How can you say goals to something you know nothing about?

For years I’ve watched this hashtag takeover. Picture after picture, post after post I watch people put this hashtag as if it is something you just casually say. “Y’all look so cute. #relationshipgoals.” “I absolutely love y’all #relationshipgoals.” No one ever says relationship goals to anything of substance like “Y’all communicate so effectively #relationshipgoals” or “y’all make sure you always support each other #relationshipgoals.” You know why? Because those things aren’t something you would find on social media. You can and should only share so much with the rest of the world about your relationship. So you’re basically saying that looking cute in a picture is a goal? What gets me though is how quick people turn on their relationship goals. Or people you once swore you would never be like are now your relationship goal of the week.

Look at Dewayne Wade and Gabrielle Union. I think most of us can agree that they are a cute couple. They take awesome pictures and appear to be happy. They make chocolate love look good. Let’s scroll back a few years though. When we found out that Dewayne had not only cheated on Gabby, but also produced a baby through this infidelity. Now I’m not saying this to judge them, I’m saying this to judge society. We crucified Gabby for staying with Dewayne through this. We called her stupid, insecure and weak. We got mad when she blamed herself for it all. Then low and behold, they had the wedding of the century and magically the #relationshipgoals started making its way back to their pictures. So my question is what part of their relationship is your goal? The child produced out of infidelity while the world watches, or the part where you blame yourself and get called stupid? Oh silly me, you just want the part where she walks down the aisle in a beautiful white dress and make cute snapchat stories. NEWS FLASH: it doesn’t work that way. When you say #relationshipgoals, you say it to the whole relationship. Yes, we see a happy couple now but we don’t know what they go through on a daily basis and clearly we see this was not an easy road.

I can only speak for myself but I never say relationship goals to any relationship. I know that sounds stuck up but I have my reasoning. I don’t care if it’s a celebrity or a relative. The reason I will never say relationship goals to anyone else’s relationship is because I don’t know the ins and outs of anyone’s relationship. Not my friends, family, co-workers and definitely not any celebrities. There is not a couple I know that I follow on a daily basis that I know every tidbit of their relationship to state that their relationship is a goal of mine. I’m just careful about what I say is a goal. I can see a couple and say #relationshipgoals but not know that the wife has been cheating on her husband for the last three years. You wishing for someone’s relationship but you don’t know her boyfriend has PTSD so they struggle with going out for date night. Let me say this, a couple may very well have a healthy and loving relationship. The issue for me is I may not want that love story. Just because it is healthy doesn’t mean it has to be mine. When we make someone else’s relationship our goal, we find ourselves trying to mirror their relationship and then get disappointed when it doesn’t work. It’s because it’s not yours. I know a lot of people who have healthy bodies. That doesn’t mean their body is a goal of mine. I may not even look right with their body. I would rather have my own body and make sure it is healthy in relation to my body type. It’s the same for relationships. Healthy does not mean a goal. At the end of the day, healthy for you may not be healthy for me.

The point I’m trying to make is society is obsessed with wanting what everyone else has. Everything that everyone else acquires looks more appealing. The issue though is we don’t know how other people got what they have, especially when it comes to relationships. We idolize the unknown and claim it to be something we desire. I know people right now in relationships that make their relationship look like a fairytale on social media, but don’t even know if they really love each other. Yet they stay getting #relationshipgoals under their pictures. Everyone wants to be Beyonce’ and Jay-Z but I think we all can agree, NO ONE knows the true depth of that relationship. Let’s stop wishing for what the next person has and start loving and appreciating what we have or what we desire based off ourselves. Think about what you desire in your relationship such as trust, fidelity and open communication and make that your relationship goal. Erase out of your mind this concept of trying to have what someone else has and strive to create what you want in your own relationship.  You’ll never be able to see the potential in your own situation as long as your focus is on someone else #beyourownrelationshipgoal.