Let’s paint a scenario. You meet a wonderful person. You two hit it off and seem to be going somewhere. Even though it seems things are getting serious, they never quite make it there. You see potential in them but the potential is never quite actualized. Finally, after being tired of empty promises you decide to walk away from the situation. Shortly after you then watch the person who couldn’t get it together with you, go off and get in the relationship of their dreams and give their all to this new person. It seems as if everything that you were asking for they are doing in their new relationship. Now if you’re anything like me this is a scenario you’ve encounter often. The harsh reality is some of us face this more than we should. I’ve often wondered what causes a person to not do right by you but be everything to someone else. Are some people simply just meant to prepare people for the next person?
There is nothing worse than trying to push someone to step into who you believe they can be, only to see them do exactly that with someone else. But the part that hurts most is not necessarily the fact it is with someone else, but that it is with the person who came in their life immediately after you. See there is something that strikes a nerve when only months, sometimes even weeks after you were trying to build this person up, they decided to go build with someone new. It causes you to feel as if there is something wrong with you each time someone else gets to reap the benefits of the work you put in.
The real truth to all of this is there is no such thing as preparing someone for the next person they will meet. While they may very well grow through their time spent with you, it does not mean you “prepared” them. The truth is, they had everything they needed to be the best significant other they could be. You didn’t teach them anything they didn’t already know. They just chose not to exhibit it with you. No one learns how to be a super lover months after dealing with you. It just shows they were capable the entire time and just wasn’t trying to show you.
Let me just say this though, it is not your fault. Well not completely your fault that is. You played a role in how much you invested, but it’s not necessarily a deficit in you. Sometimes it is simply bad timing. Sometimes you meet a person who may have every intent of doing right by you but it just can’t happen at that point in time. It doesn’t mean that you are any less than the person who happened to walk into their life when the situation got better. It just simply means their timing was better than yours. I know that’s a hard pill to swallow because sometimes we want things to be deeper than what they are. We want to find some inner wrong that we can try to correct so that it doesn’t happen again. But the truth of the matter is sometimes it’s just the wrong time and unfortunately there is no way to stop that from happening. The only thing you can do is try to recognize immediately that the timing is off and not allow yourself to get too attached and try to convince yourself otherwise. The best thing to do is to look at all the signs that are obviously telling you the timing is wrong and accept it for what it is. The sooner you accept that the timing isn’t right, the less likely you are to be hurt by it.
I know what you’re thinking. “Why wouldn’t they choose me once the timing got right.” You want the truth? They didn’t want you bad enough. I know it hurts but I’m not here to sugar coat it. If they really wanted to be with you they would have. If they believed you were as great as they told you, they would have waited until the time was right and came back for you; but they didn’t. They rode off into the sunset with the next person. Let me be clear, this does NOT make them a bad person. We try to demonize people too often for making the decision they have every right to make. There is no rule stating that just because you’re a good woman or man that people must want to be with you. People have the God-given right to choose who they please. It just hurts and it sucks when it’s not you.
The other part is people should be more honest about where they are in their ability to build a strong relationship. Too often people know that they cannot do right by someone yet they will string them along anyway. Then when they are finally at a place where they are willing to commit to doing things right, they meet someone else. Again, it’s the whole idea of timing. But if you know your timing is off, do not let someone believe things can become more than what they are. You leave too many broken hearts behind when you are not honest about what you’re willing to give.
I think the best thing that can save both sides of this scenario is honesty. But I cannot stress enough how important to be honest with yourself first is. You know this person has shown you that they’re not going to give to you what you deserve. Yet you try to fight to make it work. You are so determined to make them do right by you that you’re willing to stick around for as long as it will take to get what you want. And while yes we can get mad at the person who went and was super partner to someone else, you have to be mad at yourself too. Stop allowing people to waste your time. You knew six months ago they were beating around the bush. You chose to wait it out because you convinced yourself that good things are worth fighting for. NEWSFLASH: Good things include people who actually show they want to be with you. Stop trying to spiritualize wasted time and energy.
My biggest thing is you don’t have to be anyone’s preparation stage. At the end of the day there is no such thing. You just have to do better at not allowing yourself to believe that someone is going to give to you what they already showed you they won’t. They also must do better at making sure they don’t sell dreams to people on things they know they’ll never live up to. I just want to make sure that you remain encouraged and know there is nothing necessarily wrong with you or them. Sometimes things just don’t work out how we would like them to. The key is to be honest on both sides so that no one is disappointed or hurt out of the situation. Just know that the only thing and person that you are preparing, is yourself.