Are You His Dreamer?

Image result for black couple dream

courtesy of pinterest.com

 

As always, I was recently in session with a couple. I love working with couple’s as they always manage to remind me of the little things we take for granted. In this session, the girlfriend stated she expressed her lack of desire to no longer dream. Naturally I thought she was discussing goals and aspirations for things she wanted to accomplish in life such as career and education. She corrected me, letting me know she meant as far as dreaming of the future of their relationship. She stated she was afraid to dream about a future of them together if it wasn’t a guarantee it would happen.

So often this happens to women in relationships. Women feel like the person they’re with doesn’t seem as enthusiastic about their future so they give up dreaming about it. They don’t want to get their hopes up so they decide to shoot down their dreams of what could be and what they want to be. My issue with this is that it is fear based. You only take this approach if you are afraid of not getting what you want. The truth though is, you can’t get the love you desire if you’re too afraid to even believe it will happen.

I politely had to explain to her that her role as a woman is to dream. It’s what some women do. We dream about everything. We dream about business, families, friends and of course, our love lives. We do things like create entire pinterest boards of our weddings (that would be me) and pick out our dream engagement rings (also me). We think of cute baby names for our future kids and look up dream homes in perfect neighborhoods.

Well she politely let me know she had been doing all these things and she didn’t get much of a response from him. She gave examples of times she would send him pictures of homes or talk about life after marriage and he wouldn’t respond. I smiled and told her that’s because his job is to keep them grounded in the present while they move toward the future. Most men are present oriented. Majority of them don’t think past today. Do they ONLY think present? Of course not. They think of the future and plan for it, they just don’t live in it like some women tend to do. She was not yet convinced though, stating she didn’t feel he wanted a future like she did.

The powerful moment came when he told her he needed her to be his dreamer. He told her he needed her to have faith in them and what they were doing. What she and many women fail to see, is that when you have no expectations and no faith in his ability to move forward with you, it’s a slap in the face for all the work he has put in to show you how serious he is about you. I pointed out to her that I could see he expected a future from them. When she asked how so, I simply told her, because he’s here. He shows up session after session airing out his most intimate moments with a stranger to help strengthen this relationship.

See the problem is women always want to talk about the future while men simply want to work towards it. Both have the future in mind, but they simply manifest it differently. Men aren’t going to keep telling you they want a future with you, send you pictures of engagement rings and houses for you to live in. They are going to SHOW you they want a future with you. Listen, men think talk is cheap. Therefore, if you want to know how he feels and what he thinks, watch what he is DOING not what he is or isn’t saying. They put all their effort in their action. When she gave up on their future simply because he didn’t want to keep discussing it, it made him want to stop putting in effort for their future. In his mind, it was as if his efforts were unappreciated and in vein.

The other part to a woman being a dreamer, is she needs to be willing to dream with and for him. If he has a business, don’t just be excited about it, dream about it. Dream about how he will get new contracts or how he’ll expand it in three years. If he wants to go back to school, dream about his graduation day and how proud you both will be. If he wants a promotion, dream about the celebratory dinner you all will have and the next position he can then strive for. Dream with and for him!!! Now I’m not saying be the only person in the relationship dreaming. That’s why I say WITH him. He should be dreaming too. Again, you may not realize he is because he shows it instead of always talking about it.

Dreaming for and with your man shows him you believe in him, you have confidence in him and you support him. Believe it or not, men seek the validation of their significant others more than they will openly tell you. If you want to speak to your man, speak to his dreams. Speak to his future and include yourself in it. Show him that you have faith in what he’s doing and that you plan to be there every step of the way. If you can dream of baby names and look up wedding dresses, you can dream of your man succeeding in life.

All I am trying to say is how a woman dreams about a man says a lot about what you think of him. And believe me, he is paying attention to how you do so. Men know that women think future, so if she doesn’t include him in hers, that says to him she either doesn’t want it or expect it. Women just have to understand their role which is to dream, and his which is to work to make the dream come true while keeping them in the present. Once everyone understands their position, they can better function as a team. Ladies dream for and with your man. Let him know you can dream for more than just a perfect wedding. Because long after the vows, he still needs you to dream. So, ladies get to dreaming and fellas get to working, there are some dreams that need manifesting😊

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