A friend of mine once was in a situation in which they really cared for someone who didn’t seem to share the same sentiments. There seemed to be some attraction and chemistry but the other person didn’t want what my friend wanted. My friend didn’t take this well and found themselves in a spiral of emotions as everything they did became engulfed in trying to prove themselves to this person in hopes to one day change their mind. This obviously left my friend hurt, trying to figure out what went wrong. Once while I was discussing the situation with another friend, I stated “we just have to learn to stop trying to force our hearts on to people.”
Ever meet an amazing person. You think they have amazing potential and you desire to have more with them. So you begin to devise a plan in your mind to make them yours. Then something throws a wrench into your plans. They aren’t in agreement with what you want. You want them but they don’t want you. As hurtful as it sounds, it happens. But how many of us continue to try to force a situation on that person even after they have expressed they aren’t interested in what you have to offer.
If you’re anything like me, this is a sensitive subject. The harsh reality is we often times try to force our hearts on to someone when they have clearly shown us, if not said, they do not want it. I get it, we’re amazing and people should want to be with us. While this is true, the truth also remains that not everyone will want to be with you and that’s ok. We have to stop trying to force people to want us the way we want them.
What makes it worse is we then keep the person bound to us by trying to guilt them because they didn’t want us. So they sometimes stick around because you made them feel so guilty about something they have every right to do which is not want you. We become so relentless. You constantly keep trying to make them see how great you would be and practically get into audition mode every time they come around.
The worse part of it all is that we then become heartbroken when we finally wake up and accept the fact this person was serious when they said they didn’t want to be with you. Now you’re mad at them. We can’t make people pay for the damage to our heart we inflicted through lack of acceptance. They told you countless times through words and actions they had no intentions of being anything more with you. You insisted on trying to prove them wrong about their own feelings. “Well I thought they liked me because they didn’t try to disconnect from me.” There’s a difference between someone liking you, having intentions to move forward with you and a person who simply enjoys your convenience.
Truth is, after a while they saw you weren’t going to stop trying to prove yourself so they stopped trying to stop you. So now they just enjoy the convenience of having someone bend over backwards for them without having to give anything in return. It doesn’t make then heartless or a bad person. It simply makes them human.
Just because someone likes you doesn’t mean they want to be with you and have a future with you. Liking someone does not guarantee a future. Haven’t you ever liked someone but had no intention of moving forward with them? Everyone you like is not someone to plan a future with. It just sucks when the person on the non-receiving end is you.
Now let me be clear, I am not talking about the person that made you believe they were really interested and then all of a sudden hits you left field and says they don’t want anything. That is different because you were under the impression y’all were working towards the same thing. But the moment that person tells you and shows you they are not trying to be anything more with you, ACCEPT IT!!!
“How will I know if they are showing me they don’t want more?” It’s in their lack of time and investment. They are careful to never say anything romantically charged towards you. They constantly drop hints and reminders that y’all are “just friends.” When you become overly flirtatious they withdraw and become distant. These are just a few but there are numerous ways someone can show you they aren’t interested in more. Truth is you know exactly what they are but you are looking for validation that you still aren’t going to accept once confirmed.
Let me charge y’all with this, stop forcing your heart on people. It is an easy way to get hurt and be highly disappointed. Listen to that person. If they tell you you’re a great person but they just aren’t ready or interested, believe them. Stop trying to change their mind. Stop putting in work for someone who already told you they aren’t trying to give you the position. While it isn’t an easy pill to swallow, it is better than wasted energy and emotion. Even though you don’t understand it, respect it. Besides, your heart is too precious to be given away 😊