The Truth Behind Why You Still May Be Single


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Like many of my posts, this one was birthed out of a conversation. Really it was more like numerous conversations within a short amount of time that seemed to be going in this particular direction. I’ve noticed how many men and women fall into the trap of giving some false sense of hope through some imaginary list of characteristics that are supposed to guarantee someone a significant other or spouse. I’ve heard it many times before “if she just knew how to cook” or “if he just knew how to express his feelings” or “women need to know how to support a man” or “men need to know how to be attentive.” Nothing irritates me more than these blanket statements because unfortunately what nobody is willing to say is that there is no definite list of characteristics that will get you a significant other. When we make these kinds of statements we give people the false sense of security that if they just get these certain characteristics then they will be able to get the type of significant other they desire.

I promise I’m not here to be bitter. I’m simply trying to set some people free if you will from the way they have been programmed. I know people right now who are breaking their necks to try to embody these types of characteristics they were told a good man or woman are to have. Now on the surface there’s nothing wrong with trying to be a good man or woman. It doesn’t start to become a problem until you only want to be a good man or woman for the sake of getting a good man or woman. If you are trying to be better, you should simply do so for the sake of yourself. But if you are only working to try to get a future husband or wife, you are setting yourself up for failure. The truth of the matter is you can have all of the wonderful characteristics of a good man or woman. You can embody everything that so many people swear they want out of a significant other. Yet the ugly truth that no one is willing to tell you is that you can still remain single even if you possess all of these wonderful, great and praised qualities. Now I’m not trying to scare anyone or rain on anyone’s parade but I just want you to have the real-life understanding of how this thing works. Just work on yourself for a real reason which is the betterment of yourself and not the changing of your relationship status. No I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to want to be married or in a relationship with someone but it should not be your main focus. When you make that your main focus of changing it lends yourself to disappointment.

Let’s be honest, how many wonderful men and women have we seen with amazing qualities get left behind for people who don’t possess half of the qualities they had. Why is that you ask? Because those list of qualities don’t matter as much as you thought they did. The truth of the matter is these qualities are a good guide to go by but at the end of the day there are other things that sometimes take precedence. And there’s multiple reasons why someone may choose someone who doesn’t have the qualities they said were important. Honestly you’re wasting your time trying to figure out why someone would want to be with someone else who doesn’t possess qualities they said they wanted while you indeed have them.

So let me start with my ladies. Queens, we have to do better. We have to stop trying to convince men there is this imaginary guideline that they have to follow in order to get a good woman. We will sit there and tell the world on our social media pages how we need a good man who will treat a woman right and attend to her needs and comfort her. Yet in your status you forgot to mention the really nice guy who did everything you said you wanted. Yet it was just something about him that he didn’t make the cut and was moved over into the abyss that is the friend zone. No you forgot about that as you went on your social media rant complaining about how good men are hard to find. Is it that some of those qualities that you thought were so important actually come second when it’s not in a person that you actually want? Maybe it’s not the qualities that you desire but it’s the person. Sometimes the person you desire may not come with the qualities. I’m not here to bash you ladies I’m just here to basically tell you to stop complaining about a crisis that may not be a crisis at all. It may simply just boil down to you meet men that you just don’t like and that’s okay. It’s not the characteristics that are the cause of it. Be honest you’ve met some amazing men who had all the characteristics that you wanted but you didn’t want them. Let’s stop making ourselves look like hypocrites when we go on these long rants about things that men need when it really boils down to us having a better sense of what it is we need.

Kings don’t get too happy because I’m headed down your street. I have to be honest I need y’all to stop lying to these women. Y’all know most women who are single will eat every word you feed them in order to get a man. Some women will hang on to every word that comes out of a man’s mouth if it’s talking about getting her a husband. Y’all sit here and give imaginary instructions on how to get and keep a man. The thing is most of them have tried all of those things and still are single. Why? Because y’all know that it’s not whether she can cook, clean, or if she’s great in bed. You know it really just boils down to if you’re ready at the time she comes into your life to be able to dedicate yourself to her. Just like the Queen’s you all have convinced yourselves that it’s the characteristics that you fall for when really it is the person. See Kings you all are a different kind of creature because y’all can actually care about a woman and want to be with her and still go off and get with the next one. That is why you will have to truly be honest with women. They may not want to hear it and that’s their own personal issues if they don’t but they need to hear it. When you all give these list of characteristics you put your Queens in a position to end up hurt because they can’t understand how they did everything you asked and still ended up alone. See you have to understand Queens were placed on this earth created by the Almighty for the sake of supporting you. So when you tell them something you “need,” they’re going to do just that because it is in their nature. So be very careful when you are telling a woman what it is that you need and desire because if she is a true Queen she is going to do it. So if for any split second you think you may possibly still walk away from her, just be honest that the characteristics you speak of may not be enough to keep you.

I hope that this message can be received in love because it truly comes from a place of sincerity. I’m just tired of seeing my brothers and sisters hurting because they can’t make sense of why they are still single. All I’m basically saying is there is no sense to it. We are steadily trying to answer something that is beyond comprehension. Either way we have to stop lying to ourselves or lying to the people who come into our lives whether it be purposely or unconsciously. We have to be honest with ourselves and those around us that there is no guaranteed answer of how to get the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This is why it is such a risk to enter into the realm of love because you never know what someone else may do. Just know that it’s not you and you have done nothing wrong other than believe the hype that has been given to so many of us for so many years. You just have to work on yourself with the intent of being content with who you are. I can’t promise you that someone’s going to come into your life tomorrow and I can’t promise you that they’re going to be everything that you ever dreamed of. I can tell you that if you work on you for the sake of you while waiting on them, it makes the wait just a little less hard to deal with. And I can promise you that you have the power to rearrange your thinking to keep you from another heartache based on these notions.

2 thoughts on “The Truth Behind Why You Still May Be Single

  1. Chris says:

    LOVE Your Read!!! And Like You Said I Believe In It Starts Off With A Honest Discussion!!! BUT It Would Sound Like This #RollPlay. Hi Lisa. I Am Really Interested In Getting To Know You Better. BUT Let Me Be Honest. I Am Working So.You Don’t Have To Worry About That. But I tend not to keep a job longer than 3-6 months I really don’t know what the problem is. I Am A fork lift driver. As for finances I Kinda live pay check to pay check, debt is about 50k and I Am.paying that off when I Can Oh I Have A 13year old daughter that I hardly see but have to pay child Support for which I Do when I Can. Needless to say I got a 2014 Maxima That I make sure I keep my payments up On cause I can’t loose that!!! Oh one last thing I really don’t know if I wanna be with you long term BUT I Am Really Interested In hitting that and if things work out then great if not then it’s ok you go your way I go mine!!!
    That’s What HONESTY Sounds Like!!
    Instead we HAVE To Say….Hi Lisa I Am Really Interested In Getting To Know You Better. Let Me Tell You A Little About Myself. I Am Working So you don’t have to worry about that. I Am Currently changing careers so I tend to Be at one location 3-6 months at a time but I Am applying for a supervisor position at another plant. I have about 50k of debt that I Am.paying off so I can buy a home for myself and daughter and future family. I Got A 2014 Maxima almost got that paid off. Oh one last thing like I said I really think you would make an excellent wife cause I Am.looking to settle down myself NO rush thought we still have to get to know each other! Hahahaha Hahahaha oh I Am very much into my church I Go to GTR. Maybe one Wednesday you can come to bible study with me. The young pastor there is really cool and he speaks the word that we can really get it.
    3 months Later… He either hit and decided he had enough now you in the friend zone. OR you stuck to your guns and with this “no sex before marriage” and he decided to move on cause pum pum is pum pum!!!
    That’s How The Story Often Ends!!!

    Look there is no “easy” answer as to why “THE TRUTH BEHIND WHY YOU STILL MAY BE SINGLE”
    But I think it starts of with we just don’t know how to relate, communicate, And Enjoy each other’s time and company without putting it in a BOX asap!!! And see where it goes from there.

    Again Great Read LOVE What You Are Doing!!!! 😉


    • Tish says:

      Chris I love you!!!! Lol. You’re right too many people don’t know how to communicate. But if we just were honest, regardless of what it looks like, we could avoid a lot of confusion.


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