A few days ago I posted my weekly #TishToken stating “the unspoken words of the heart are often held hostage in the mind.” Normally my tokens don’t inspire my blogs but this one touched me in a soft spot. How many of us have held our hearts captive by keeping its true desires locked away in our thoughts? How many times have we thought or talked ourselves out of what we want?
Earlier this week I was working with a couple in session. The woman stated she was afraid to dream of them being together forever in case it didn’t happen. I proceeded to tell her how funny it is that we are willing to take risks on everything else in life, but we resist to be bold with matters of the heart. I stressed to her that just like any other major success, love requires taking a risk. I explained that we can’t want the reward of love without taking the risk of believing it can happen. The irony is you may be more successful in gaining your hearts desires from being bold than you are any other endeavor. Yet we shy away in timid fashion when it comes to professing our love. We can be willing to leave jobs, start businesses, go back to school, move out of state, ask for a raise or anything else. Yet the thought of telling someone you love them, telling someone how you REALLY feel, makes you want to throw up. Why?!
I’m finishing up 13 Reasons Why and I can’t help but be engulfed in the sad love story of Hannah and Clay. What hurts me the most was all the unspoken truths that both of them needed to hear. Fear paralyzed them, keeping them both from setting each other free. And while all tragic love stories don’t end in a suicide, how many love stories have we allowed to die prematurely because we were too afraid to say how we felt? Are we holding back words that someone else may need to hear? Not to motivate them to live, but to motivate them to love.
Why do we allow ourselves to let love slip through our grasps? Why do we open our hearts to love but then close our lips to keep from expressing it? We come up with every reason why we shouldn’t say anything, never thinking of how great things could be if we did. We get so caught up in how people may react, we forget how important it is for us to speak our truth. I told a client recently that the reward is not in the response, it’s in the release. Too often we dictate whether we should say something based on the response of the person to whom we are delivering the message. But we can’t control their response. Instead we should get joy out of simply releasing something that our heart has been longing to say, regardless of what the response is. The problem is we never want to be the one to say it first. We are always too afraid to be the one to make the first move out of fear of rejection. Fear of rejection is nothing more than putting the reward in the response. When are we going to let go of foolish games of fear, and allow ourselves to express our true feelings, regardless of reaction?
Love is not meant to be hoarded, it’s meant to be given and expressed. Instead we hold on to it, letting our hearts and minds carry the weight it was meant to relinquish. Then you find yourself unable to deal with it anymore. That’s when you see people popping up at weddings or engagement parties (Dwayne and Whitley), trying to express their love. You get mad when they move on but the truth is you had your chance. You chose not to take it. Or you remain in silence for the rest of your life. You move on and find someone else, you may even be happy. But deep down inside there’s a part of you that will never let go of the what if that you created out of fear.
So I want to encourage someone today, speak your heart’s truth. Tell them how you feel. I’m not promising a happily ever after, but you owe yourself the peace of mind of getting it off your chest. Set yourself, and your heart free today. For all you know they may need to hear what you have to say in order to free them too. Stop letting fear and overthinking keep you bound. JUST SAY IT!!!!!